Jump Anyway

“Being fearless doesn’t mean you don’t have any fears.  It means you have a lot of fears but you jump anyway.”
- I read this in the liner notes of TSwifts fearless album years ago and never, ever forgot it. 

I want to take this opportunity to talk to you about fear.

I have a tendency to leave out crucial parts of my life from social media because I struggle with the idea that anyone might find out that I, too, am human. Faults, fears, and all.

We’re on day four of this road trip and so far, looking at social media, it looks like I have a van and my girls and everything is amazing.  I do, and it is, but that’s not the whole story.  The other side is riddled with fear and anxiety that keeps me up at night, in the van, under the string lights we’ve hung to make this van a cozy little home.

 

The morning we left, I woke up at 5am in a sheer panic.  I broke out in a cold sweat and was shaking uncontrollably right up until we actually got in the van.  I had so much anxiety leading up to the beginning of this trip, I almost called it off multiple times in the weeks before as well as the morning of.

I started planning this road trip in March.  I was sitting at my kitchen table working, like usual.  I was creating pitches I was going to send to various companies to create social media content for their brands.  I felt defeated, at best.  I kept thinking there’s no way anyone is going to respond to me but I needed work.

Then, after a few days of radio silence, I decided it was time to stop waiting for permission.  I’m building something from nothing.  I need content for my something.  I’m no longer waiting on someone else to decide I’m good enough.

I am good enough.

As soon as I decided that, fear set in.  I came up with a million reasons why I am, in fact, not good enough.  And since that day, I’ve come up with a million more.

But, things slowly fell into place.  I’d sit in fear for a while then do something that would get me one step closer to this trip.  Then I’d go back and hang out with fear for a few more hours.

Even now, we’re just a few hours outside of Banff, and my head is riddled with a million reason why this was a terrible idea. (BTW - road tripping with your friends is never a terrible idea.)

At the end of the next two weeks, I’m launching my new shop.  Something I’ve been slowly building for the last 6 years.  And that, combinedwith what I want to do on this road trip, is riddled with fear.  Most of the fear is that I will fail.  I’m not sure what will constitute as failure.  I don’t know what has to happen for me to decide that I failed. But I’m afraid I will wake up one day and it will be evident that it has all been for nothing.

But every day, I pick up and go.  Because the only other option is to let fear win.  

And even if I do fail, I’ll be damned if it’s because I gave in and let fear go ahead and win.

If you find that you’re not going for something you want because of fear, do yourself a favor and jump anyway.  I can’t promise your fear will subside but I can absolutely promise you will never, ever regret it.

 

Check out my shop pre-sale here https://igg.me/at/pocketsoffilm and don’t forget, there are secret perks posted in my instagram profile so check back often!

Emily Coey